Silvia Brothers: Folks' Jolks

A man brings a rooster to the movie theater counter and the clerk refuses to sell him a ticket, saying he can't bring a rooster into their theater. The man protests, saying he takes the rooster everywhere, but of course they ask him to leave.

A short while later, after hiding the rooster in his clothes, he returns and buys a ticket, and sits down in the theater.

Once the film starts, the rooster begins to get restless, so the man makes room for the rooster by unfastening his jacket and his trousers.

The old lady next to him notices he's undone his trousers and gets a little bit nervous. She says to her friend "Hey Ethel this guy next to me just undid his trousers!"

Ethel says "Oh so what, we're old, and it's nothing we've never seen before."

The first old lady replies, "Yes but ... this one's eating my popcorn."

Q: What game do you play with a wombat?

....

A: Wom.

Catholic guy goes into the confessional box. He notices on one wall a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars.

Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting these days."

The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."

Two blondes wait at a bus stop.

A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks the driver, "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"

The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm sorry."

The other blonde leans inside and asks, "How about ME?"

When a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart
beats quicker, and his throat gets dry, he goes weak in the knees, and
he begins to think irrationally. Ever wonder why?

It's because she smells like a new truck.

"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.

"Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn’t make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn’t see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."

"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor.

"Yes."

"What did it say?"

"Don’t stand up in the car!"

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint
Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each
possess somet hing that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of
keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets
and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked,
"And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I've got Alzheimer’s
This little piggy went to market

The detective tried to calm down the hysterical lady holding the bloody golf club, standing next to her dead husband ... he said, "Calm down ma'am ... just tell me exactly what has happend."

She drew a breath and started to calm down, saying "He just made me so mad, that I lost my temper completely and just started hitting him over and over and over again. I'm not sure how many times I hit him, but put me down for a five."

I was walking past the local mental hospital the other day when heard the inmates shouting 13, 13, 13!

Curious to find out what was going on, I tried to look over the fence but it was too high.

I saw a gap in the fence so I looked through it - one of the inmates poked me in the eye & then I heard them shouting 14, 14, 14!

An elderly women knocks on the door to the Hell's Angels headquarters.

A large, burly man opens the door and says, "What do you want?"

The woman replies, "I want to join your motorcycle gang."

The man says, "So I suppose you're going to tell me you actually own a motorcycle."

She says, pointing, "You bet I do. That's my hog parked right over there."

The biker says, "That's a fine machine. Do you actually drive it?"

"You bet I do," says the woman. "I ride like the wind, with no regard for the law whatsoever."

"Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

The woman says, "No, but I've been swung around by the nipples a few times."
__________________

This blond woman believes milk can make her younger so she says to her milkman, "Give me 25 pints please, I'm going to bathe in it" He asks, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

She says "Nah, just up to my neck, I'll splash it on my face."

Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop at a busy intersection. The cop stopped the flow of all traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." When everyone had safely crossed the street, he would then allow traffic to resume, once again.

The officer had done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

On their honeymoon night, the blond is getting all sexied for her catholic groom, when he says, "Honey I'm sorry I can't. It's Lent."

The blond replies, "That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard! Who'd you lend it to, and for how long??"

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. As she pays for her ticket, the bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman sits down, fuming. The man in the next seat asks, "What's the matter?"

"The driver just insulted me!"

The man says, "You don't have to take that."

She says, "I don't?"

He says, "No, you go right up there and give him a piece of your mind! I'll hold your monkey."

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed , and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

Q: How does Alfred Hitchcock keep his pants up?

A: ... ... Suspencers

A man stayed out way too long drinking, and at the end of the night he threw up on his shirt. He knew that his wife was going to kill him. His friend put a Ten dollar bill in his shirt pocket and told him to tell his wife that a homeless man did it and then gave him the money to have the shirt drycleaned. When the man returned home that night his wife saw the shirst and yelled at him. He told her about the homeless guy and the ten dollar bill. She said "this is not a ten, it is a twenty" He said, "Oh yeah, he crapped my pants, too!"

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue?" I said "No, just a watch."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"